My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
