We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
areolas are like halos for boobs.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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