we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
