I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
