my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
