I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
