Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
