Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
