I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
