So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
