return my video game
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
