i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
