life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
