Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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