Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
