He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
