He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
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I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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