cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
