Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
