Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
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Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
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Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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