walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
