ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
