look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
