just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
