It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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