He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
