I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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