Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
