It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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