I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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