She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
