Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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