so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
