so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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