I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
we're making bets on your personal life
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
