weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
