Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
