Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
