standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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