I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
My vagina just clenched in fear
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