Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
