do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
