I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
