Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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