Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
