Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
