I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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