im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
