walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
