You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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