they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
