'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
