Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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