I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
