is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
