Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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