ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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