And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
