You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
