I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
