take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
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