3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
