I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
