You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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